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“Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:25 (Msg)

“Lord, did you forget that I’m an introvert?” I distinctively remember saying those words not so long ago. The beginning of change. For prior, I lived in a world of walls. No, not walls that anyone could see but walls created and maintained by me. I was a master wall builder. Walls of brick that spanned two feet wide and 20 feet high. Walls of steel, coated in bronze that enclosed me and locked in place on cue. Walls that appeared out of nowhere at the most inopportune times. It took years to build my walls. Effortless it was. It’s what I did when hurt came and had no place to go.

But God wanted something different. I was created for community. I was created to love, be loved and serve. Walls not only sheltered me from others but formed ceilings that restricted my relationship with God. Nothing and no one could hurt me, in theory. Correspondingly, nothing and no one could satisfy and bring contentment, joy or peace.

And so, I prayed a simple prayer: “I’m ready.” I’m ready to open my heart again. I’m willing to take down the walls. And the people came. My neighbor, someone at the grocery store, even someone at church. Exhausting! Then another and another. And as I returned their advances, I realized that the only thing that held me back from others’ kindnesses was me.

God had room to enter and heal, love and teach. I then could give and receive love just as God filled me with His love. Did hurt come calling? Sure. We live in a fallen world. Where have I placed the hurt? I wish I could say that I leave it at Christ’s cross, because I think that’s what I should say. Sometimes I do, but I struggle with doing this always. My tear count is too high likely. But, I have experienced so many moments of joy, love and life that I choose to not build the walls back. I’m finally alive, moving forward in my faith journey. Instead of building walls, God is building bridges. Instead of height the focus is breadth. The end result is pure gold.

“Father, thank You that Your desire is to have relationship with us. Thank You that You have never stopped pursuing us. Thank You for Your faithfulness and love that can change a heart of stone and make it something beautiful.”

For His Glory

Kathryn Hayman
TRBC Women’s Life