trbccoffeebreak

“How then are they to call on Him in whom they have not believed? How are they to believe in Him whom they have not heard? And how are they to hear without a preacher?” Roman 10:14

After my husband and I had a wonderful time in Pittsburgh visiting our son and daughter-in-love, I stayed a couple extra days and helped Rachel (DIL) pack up in preparation for their upcoming move to Richmond. My flight home was very early on Wednesday…got to the airport about 4:30 am for a flight that left at 6 am. Because I was a “C” group on Southwest, that meant I’d get a “Center” seat—which I did. And as I sat down to a distinctive alcohol odor, my “judginess” began. And I didn’t even have to make presumptions. As soon as I buckled in, the woman in the window seat confessed to being drunk and warned me that she may fall asleep on my shoulder. I mustered a slight smile (as my inward eyes rolled and my mind screamed, “Seriously? You’re wasted at 6 am?!”), and I probably said something like, “Oh, gosh.” She then proclaimed how “that’s what happens when you’re 60…you mop the floor while drinking wine, you do the laundry and have a drink…when you’re 60, that’s just what you do.” (She made the “turning 60” comment several other times.)

Opening number one. Not taken.

Before she did, in fact, pass out, I asked where she was going, and she said in her slurred yet distinctive Pittsburgh accent that she was going to Kansas to visit her daughter. In her mumbling, I heard her say something like, “I’m her emotional support animal.” I may have said, “Oh gosh” again, but I ignored her the best I could.

Opening number two. Not taken.

After about 3 minutes in the seat, I opened my book and intently read. Still annoyed, still internally ranting and questioning at what time of morning she would have to have started drinking to be THAT drunk by the time she boarded the plane at 5:30am. And I was relieved (yet still eye-rolling inside) when she passed out.

What I SHOULD have done, I know. I SHOULD have seen her pain. My inward thoughts SHOULD have been a cry to the Holy Spirit to empower me to ask, “What are you trying to numb?” I SHOULD have seen that she was running from some demon in her life. Trying desperately to quiet the internal condemnation, shame, and sadness. See, I was there at one time too! I know that numb-the-pain road—I’ve walked down it. I SHOULD have recalled where I’d been in order to empathize with her. (How I’ve played drinking games at 6am before school, or walked into class during grad school absolutely plastered, or drank-drugged-and-sexed my way to shut up my own demons.)

I COULD have been a witness to her about how Jesus freed me—and how He could free her. I COULD have shared how she is fully known and loved by God, despite the lying hisses of the enemy in her ear. I COULD have shared how she can stop trying so hard…that she can simply surrender to the One who loves her and bought the victory for her on Calvary, defeating sin and death. I COULD have asked her if I could pray for her…had I asked about her (obviously) devastating 60^th birthday, or her daughter who is clearly going through a hard time, or if I’d taken any of the many opportunities to ask about her life. Her pain.

I SHOULD have thought differently about the whole situation. I COULD have done something to love her better and point her to Jesus. But I didn’t.

So, I had to ask the Lord to forgive me. In my mind, I have told that woman countless times that I am sorry. So sorry. And I pray that the Lord placed another believer next to her on her flight back to Pittsburgh who will speak life into her. That this person does not ignore her pain but recognizes it and shares with her the One she can hand it over to—whose burden is light. That this believer does not judge but instead offers her the gift of new life in Christ.

“Lord, forgive me. Let me see the opportunities You give me! And then empower me to open my mouth in love for that person to share the Good News and shine light into the dark places.”

 For His Glory

 Julianne Winkler Smith
TRBC Women’s Life