“Do not say, I’ll pay you back for this wrong! Wait for the Lord, and He will avenge you.” Proverbs 20:22 (ESV)
Last week we talked about how God asks us to forgive because that allows Him to forgive us, but also because He knows it is best for us.
That does not mean grace is a free football to throw around. Grace cost God the blood of His precious Son. Grace is not something to take for granted or to be abused.
Is there a time when seven times seventy does not apply? How do we balance the verses above with mistreatment, unkindness, and cruelty? What about the person who continues to do the same thing over and over? What about the person who intentionally hurts us? What about the person who asks for grace but for no accountability?
So let’s talk about it.
What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is a decision we make to no longer allow the choices of others to dictate our feelings or reactions. Forgiveness is giving God our pain, our brokenness, and placing those who have hurt us in His hands. That gives us the opportunity to move forward in our healing journey, whether or not forgiveness is requested or desired. God promises to be close to us when we are brokenhearted as we walk through this difficult road of forgiveness. No one is saying this journey is easy or goes by quickly, but it is important that we obey Him and work through it, however slow the process may be.
Yes, God does ask us to forgive. Period. He does this because He knows it is best for us.
Forgiveness is one thing, but forgetting and reconciling is another. God is the only one who can truly forget. He tells us in Psalm 103:12 that He puts our sins “ as far as the east is from the west.” We are not able to do that; we are not God. God does not ask us to do that when someone has hurt us. He asks us to allow Him to handle it. We have to trust that God, our Abba, our Daddy, can and will deal with those who have hurt us. Proverbs 20:22 says, “Don’t say, “I will get even for this wrong. Wait for the Lord to handle the matter.’” We have to give our pain to Him, sometimes over and over.
Imagine a five year old hitting a classmate. When they are confronted, they say sorry. Then they hit them again. This behavior continues. Hit, correction, apology, hit. First of all, we realize they either do not understand what sorry means or they do not care. Second of all, would you expect the child being hit to keep saying I forgive you while the hitting is going on? No! We would remove the child doing the hitting. After some time went by and we thought maybe the offending child understood sorrow and offered an apology, we may try the friendship again. You can imagine the child being hit may not want to get too close to the child doing the hitting. If the hitting started back up, we would remove the child doing the hitting, and the consequence would be that they would lose their access to the child. Not because the child being hit did not offer forgiveness, but because the child doing the hitting did not understand the grace.
We are no different as adults. Other adults who cannot understand our hesitation or “hit” again do not get access to us. Period. We are sons and daughters of the King and the offending person does not believe that. Therefore, they lose access to us.
What does this look like in real life?
God asks us to forgive, but He also gives us guidelines about how we deal with someone who continues to hurt us over and over.
We will continue with Let’s Talk about Grace, part 3. After forgiveness is offered and hurtful behavior continues, what do we do next?
“Father, help us to navigate difficult relationships with You as our Guide.”
For His Glory
Terrie Tollerson (feel free to follow me @TerrieTollerson or check out my website at TerrieTollerson.com)
TRBC Women’s Life








