“Pursue peace with everyone, and holiness—without it no one will see the Lord. Make sure that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up, causing trouble and defiling many.” Hebrews 12:14-15 (CSB)
A new friend of mine from church has been sharing her story with me—a fascinating testimony of her long walk with Jesus—surrendered, serving, sharing community…and a recent season of her disobedience when He carried her (with His great patience), although she didn’t recognize it at the time. She poured out her heart about significant church hurt (many of us can no doubt relate), and how in that pain and grief, she and her husband walked away from church altogether, “doing faith” without meeting together with a body of believers. Although they never walked away from Jesus, for a decade they did life their way. She shared how during that time, her whole life was tainted. Her attitude and perspective were contaminated by underlying anger. The Holy Spirit’s guidance silenced. This even impacted the relationship with her kids, as the bitterness she’d swallowed eclipsed the sweetness of motherhood. What was at the root of all this poisonous season? Unforgiveness.
Oh friend, God’s Word is clear about our need to forgive—and the dangers of unforgiveness.
Why must we forgive? First and foremost because, through Jesus, we have been forgiven much. We were dead in our sins, an enemy of God. But in His mercy and grace, we are forgiven, saved, rescued from the wrath we deserve (Colossians 1:13-14). So, how dare we gladly accept forgiveness, yet turn to another and adamantly withhold it (Matthew 18:21-34). Beloved, was the death and victory of Jesus not enough to cover that person’s sin toward us? Also, frankly, forgiving others is a command given to us through God’s Word that simply requires our obedience (Ephesians 4:31-32; Colossians 3:12-13).
Additionally, the consequences of unforgiveness are perilous. At the end of Jesus’ story of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18, He drops a bomb in verse 35: “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you (imprisonment and torture until repayment is made), if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” And because God requires perfection, an eternity wouldn’t be enough time for us to earn reconciliation. During His earthly ministry, Jesus makes this clear—and it’s a frightening prospect to consider—that our refusal to forgive may lead to the Father’s refusal to forgive us (Matthew 6:14-15). This is a theological concept beyond my comprehension (Romans 11:33-35), but I can say with confidence two things: (1) we cannot lose our salvation, so this does not teach that as we believers sin—because we will—that we risk separation from God (John 10:27-29; Romans 8:38-39; Romans 11:29); and (2) the Bible is clear that those who claim accepting Christ but do not make Him Lord and continue practicing (living out day after day) sin—including unforgiveness—may not have been truly saved (1 John 3:6-10; Galatians 5:19-21; Hebrews 10:26-29).
So, for believers, what harm does unforgiveness do? Whether from church hurt, a backstabbing friend, the betrayal of a spouse, even a childhood trauma, our unforgiveness toward another sows seeds of nasty weeds in mind, heart, and spirit—discontent, bitterness, anger, even indifference. It’s an ever-tightening chokehold that steals our joy.
Oh, but there is good news, which I’ll share in continuing my friend’s story…once she (and her husband) recognized that the unfruitfulness and anger of their lives resulted from those weeds of bitterness, they were able to pull out the root. Through the internal, Spirit-led act of forgiveness, she let go of the decade-long infectious grip she had on those weeds, opening her hands to what the Lord had in store. And, oh, has He shown up! The joy of her salvation has been restored, her marriage is flourishing, her relationships with her children are healing, and in her surrender to Him, the Holy Spirit has revealed His missionary calling on their lives (another awe-inspiring story in itself).
So, let me ask: What is being held back in your life from unrelenting unforgiveness? Are the weeds choking out the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)? Are relationships fractured? Are you simply indifferent to what the Lord is doing (or could be doing) in and through you? Is your lack of joy of the Lord stealing contentment? As the Apostle Paul exhorts in his letter to the Colossians (3:12-15), I exhort us all: Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
“Lord, search me and show me where I am hurting You. Reveal what weeds I must pull up to see clearly Your will and live my life in joyful pursuit of Your glory.”
For His Glory
Julianne Winkler Smith
TRBC Women’s Life
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